Love and Marriage...According To A 9 Year Old

Bryce (my 9 year old) and I have a lot of interesting conversations. Below is no exception:

Bryce: Mom, how old do you have to be in order to get married?

Me: Usually 18.

Bryce: Do people younger than 18 get married?

Me: Yes, but their parents have to sign a piece of paper saying that it's okay.

Bryce: So, you could actually get married at any age as long as your parents say it's okay?

Me: (Pause) Well, yes, I guess so.

Bryce: So, like a 4 year old could get married?

Me: Maybe, I don't know any parents who would sign off on that.

Bryce: If that's the case, I want to get married tomorrow.

Me: (shocked) To who? (Bryce tells me the girl's name. Sorry guys, I'm sworn to secrecy). Okay, well if you get married, you need to find a job so that you can support her.

Bryce: What? You mean I have to give her money? Oh man, I only have two bucks! 

Me: Of course, you have to support her. I think you should wait to get married.

Bryce: Ok, maybe 3 more days... No, wait I wanna get married now! But I would have to leave the house.

Me: Yeah, you would need to move out.

Bryce: (Moving both his hands like a scale and weighing his options) Let's see wife versus family. Hmmm... Family wins. No wait, wife. I can still visit, right?

Me: Of course, you can visit. What makes you able to handle marriage?

Bryce: (Long pause) I'm a young, handsome boy who likes to play video games, like Uncle. I'm a loving man and I would treat her good. Like at bake sale, I loaned her a dollar and I told her she looked pretty at the Spring Concert. One thing about being married is being generous to your girl, right?

Me: Yes, you must be generous. Well I guess that's a start. But still, how are you going to afford a house?

Bryce: I can work with Ms. Gregory selling snacks and I'll make lots of money to buy a house. Great idea! Okay, let's sign those papers...

Wow, Bryce. If only it was that simple.