Tuesday, April 27, 2010

God has called my son to be Superman...

Below is yet another funny conversation between me and my eight year old son, Bryce.

Bryce: Hey Mom, I don’t want to freak you out, but something weird just happened.
Mom: What is it?
Bryce: (takes a deep breath) Okay, so I picked up the toothpaste to put it on my toothbrush, put it down and, then just stared at it for two minutes. Then I picked it up again and the toothpaste was warm!
Mom: Okay...
Bryce: Mom, do you think it’s possible that I might have...laser eyes?
Mom: Laser eyes? (I mean seriously, where does he get this stuff from?)
Bryce: Yeah, I mean I pick it up, put it down, and then stare at it for a long time then the toothpaste is warm. That’s weird.
Mom: Maybe it was already warm and you didn’t notice it till the second time you picked it up.
Bryce: Oh no, it was cold the first time.
Mom: Well, maybe it got warm from you handling it.
Bryce: No Mom, it got warm from me staring at it. Do you think I have laser eyes?
Mom: I doubt it. But that is pretty weird. Only Superman has laser eyes and he’s not a real person.
Bryce: (He’s quiet for a second then has an “Aha” moment) Maybe God is finally answering my prayer and making me into a superhero!

Maybe, son. Maybe.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Gettin’ Rowdy at Costco

It was time to restock on diapers for Gavin, so I ran to Costco. It’s, supposedly, the best price for what I’m getting. My only goal was to grab a 400 pack and get home. $110 later, I loaded a box of diapers, a bucket of granola, peanut butter filled pretzel nuggets, and two toddler outfits into my Mini Cooper trunk. Did I really save ANY money?

I think every Costco visit can be summarized as this- I go in with a mission to buy ONE thing, and leave with my tail between my legs and a huge receipt in my wallet.

I think all of this spending at Costco can bring out the worst in people. On Monday, I was in line buying my staples (diapers and Ziploc bags). While waiting, my parents called and asked me to talk them through sending an email on the iPhone. As I'm on the phone, I loaded my items on the conveyor belt for checkout. Then I pushed my shopping cart behind the clerk so that they could wheel it through and load my cart.

Well, I guess I didn't push it aside enough because a cantankerous old lady behind me intentionally slammed her cart into mine in an attempt to move it out of the way. It was like watching bumper cars! Then she hurled one of those divider sticks on the conveyor belt like a football player who just scored a touchdown. She concluded her grown up tantrum with angrily loading an excessive amount of tissue boxes onto the belt. This all happened while I was on the phone trying to explain the difference between a subject line and the cc:/bcc: line to my parents. I was close to grabbing that lady by her turquoise Santa Fe sweatshirt and getting South Sac on her. If that wasn't enough, her husband wheeled their cart around and came within a few inches of hitting Gavin! Venom rays of hate shot from my eyes! Realizing that fighting an old lady is not a popular thing to do; I got off the phone and scrambled to get out of there ASAP.

Costco is now the land of bulk and brawls.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Turn your TV off!

I love TV. However, it sometimes stunts our creativity. Inundated with images in HD and larger than life sound systems, we ignore the simple joys of life. Last week, we turned off the television for the night and hung out as a family. We played a game that involved taking a three foot stick and each one of us pretended the stick was something else. We laughed so hard at what we came up with. Below is a list of the things we imagined the stick to be:

1. Pen
2. Paint roller
3. Rifle
4. A horse to ride
5. Pool stick.
6. The candle thingy that goes on top of a unicorn’s head
7. Oar for a boat
8. Skateboard
9. Bryce laid the stick on the ground, sat on it, and called it a curb
10. Broom
11. Cane
12. Pinocchio’s nose
13. Something to be eaten then pooped out (Leave it to Bryce to think of that one)
14. Limbo stick
15. Telescope
16. Sword
17. A peg leg
18. Bar for bench pressing
19. Microphone
20. Guitar
21. Gavin, our 19 month old kept dancing with the stick every time it was his turn. I guess it could be a dancing partner.

Who knew a stick could be so fun?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Thank you Mr. Easter Bunny

Easter is over. Bye bye pastel baskets and paper grass filler that keeps reappearing every time I sweep the floor. However, in the aftermath of Easter, you are left with a mountain of chocolate. What are you supposed to do with all this stuff? I have an answer.

Post-Easter Fondue
2 Chocolate Bunnies
1 Tbsp of butter

Melt butter, bunnies, and any other chocolates you have in a double boiler. Once the chocolate and butter have melted, immediately transfer into a fondue pot. Serve and soak up the accolades associated with making a fancy dessert.

For $2.50 (the cost of the strawberries), I just made sweet magic and I don’t have to look at those half-eaten chocolate bunnies in my cabinet. Yeah, you’re welcome.